


Destiny Dialing

by BarPurple



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), Stargate Universe
Genre: Crossover, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 00:27:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8034949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/pseuds/BarPurple
Summary: This was NOT how Jefferson's hat was supposed to behave.





	Destiny Dialing

“Rumple, old man. How the devil are you?”

Jefferson eyed his friend carefully as he stripped off his gloves and dropped his top hat on the end of the long table. The Dark One stared at him over tented fingers, it was difficult to gauge his mood when he was quiet and still like this, but there had been something off about Rumple for the past few weeks. The hatter had a good idea what was wrong with him, but since a snail would look ridiculous in a top hat, he kept his thoughts on the matter of maids and hearts to himself. 

Rumple frowned at Jefferson; the portal jumper’s clothes were never subtle, but the shocking violet waistcoat and orange frock coat were appallingly loud even for him. As the man dropped himself untidily into the seat to Rumple’s left he was treated to a flash of coat lining, gods above, emerald green, what was the man thinking?

“Why are you here, Hatter?”

“You summoned me.”

Rumple sighed wearily as he tried to recall why he’d wanted to see the closest thing he had to a friend. _You were lonely. Hard to be here on your own now, isn’t it?_ Rumple kicked the taunting voice to the back of his mind and grinned at Jefferson, who merely tilted his head waiting for Rumple to speak.

“I need to make a trip to Narnia.”

Jefferson gave a shrug. Narnia wasn’t so bad, unless; “We aren’t going to be tussling with anyone of a leonine persuasion are we?”

The Dark One tittered and twirled a hand dismissively; “Not at all. I need to see a faun about some hoof clippings. An easy task.”

Jefferson nodded slowly, Rumple’s normal theatrics were lacklustre today, even his giggle sounded hollow, still a trip across the realms might brighten his spirits. The Hatter rose smoothly to his feet and said; “I seem to recall you saying the same thing about the lion.”

He had only taken a few steps towards his hat when it started to spin slowly on the table top. Rumple frowned, suddenly alert and interested.

“How are you doing that?”

“I’m not.”

Instead of spinning rapidly in one direction the hat was oscillating, and making a strange grinding sound. Jefferson back away and bumped into Rumple who had risen to his feet and was gazing at the misbehaving hat in puzzled curiosity. Both men flinched as the hat tipped on to its side and began to grow. A strange jewelled stone rim appeared inside the brim.

Jefferson cringed a bit further away and suggested; “Duck?”

They did, and just in time. The new portal made a final thunking sound before spewing a cloud of water over their heads. Jefferson braced himself for a soaking that didn’t come. Instead the water was sucked back towards the portal. The two men gingerly edged their heads above the table and saw a, well it could only be described as a gently rippling puddle resting impossibly upright within the hat. They ducked back out of sight as a small sphere floated out of the open portal. Rumple clapped his hand over Jefferson’s mouth and put a finger to his own lips. The Hatter nodded and bit back the million questions that were clamouring in his brain. A gloopy pop came from the portal and a stranger’s voice said;

“Told you, we dialled a Renaissance Fair.”

A rougher voice that was clearly used to command said;

“Okay Eli. Any signs of the life forms you spotted on the Kino?”

Jefferson caught the look of impish devilment that spread across Rumple’s face. Oh dear, it was good to see him so like his old self, but that didn’t bode well for the intruders. Rumple bounced to his feet and leapt on to the table top. 

“That would be me, dearies. I do have a door y’know, a pair of rather impressive doors, in fact; although I do appreciate a dramatic entrance.”

The Hatter decided that cowering under the table was undignified; he got up and dusted himself down. Honestly Rumple had let this place go recently; not that surprising really, but the dust bunnies clinging to his trousers were annoying. The strangers were gaping at Rumple in variations of slack jawed shock, a standard reaction to the first sight of the Dark One in full mischievous imp mode. Two of them were aiming strange contraptions at Rumple, one of them swung round to point the thing in their hands at Jefferson. He fought the urge to raise his hands that tube looked suspiciously like a pistol. 

“Identify yourselves.”

The order was barked from one of the pistol wielding people, the tone of voice added to the weapon made Jefferson think ‘soldier’. Oh dear, this was going from bad to worse. Rumple did not like soldiers at the best of times, and since these particular ones had burst into his home this was not the best of times.

“Tut, tut. Such poor manners. Allow me to introduce myself,” Rumple bowed with a flourish, “I am Rumplestiltskin, and you are in my castle.”

The intruders eyed Rumple anxiously, he smiled in what could charitably be called an encouraging manner, “And you are?”

“I’m Eli, this is Greer and James, we’re explorers.”

Behind the cheerful young man one of the soldiers muttered in to a device in his hand. Jefferson cocked his head and caught the man say;

“…down here and bring Rush, you ain’t gonna believe this.”


End file.
